Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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