I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
