We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
