capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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