I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize