i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
