??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
