i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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