So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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