i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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