I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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