please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize