so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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