Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
