if only i could text you this smell
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
