But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
