a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
