just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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