Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
