she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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