I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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