Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
