There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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