i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
