Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
