Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
