I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
