escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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