he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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