just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
