I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize