The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
