smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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