my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize