this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
