the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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