You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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