If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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