Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
