Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
