The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
