We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
