We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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