so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
