My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
