So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
