I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
