I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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