Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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