i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
