I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
