What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
