We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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