woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
