Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
