Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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