Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
