It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
