I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
