Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
