I hate all girls vehemently.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
