and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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