Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
