I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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