If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
