It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
