i'm lost and i look like a hooker
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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