my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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