yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
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