if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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