Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
