he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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