dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
