i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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