a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
