They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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