The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
