Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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