So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
