DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
