I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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