she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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