Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sober January is a disaster.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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